The Vastness Within

Such a mystery it is, the constant struggle of the mind with its worries, fears & anxieties, on a backdrop of infinite peace and space. The juxtaposition is mysterious, funny and just wonderful to witness within.

Everything I ever wish to speak is the same, the beauty I feel within, the outpouring of joy from depths unknown, and the shining smile that spreads to every part of me. What is this? All that I can do is simply close my eyes and bask in the infinite vastness I feel within and around, a pure sentient silence full of love and joy, pure in its care, and such evenness everywhere.

This feeling, this experience firmly tells me that 

‘I am the truth, 

I am the constant, ever pervading consciousness that is in everything and in everyone, 

that I am the matter, I am the space. 

That I am the life. And, I am the death. 

That I am the thoughts, I am the emotions. 

I am the war and I am the peace. 

And, it whispers a lullaby to trust me, to have faith in its infinitely organizing power, in the design of the universe and this very fabric of reality.

It shushes my mind to relax, to settle, so it can show me the beauty of the creation, the ticking behind the events, the cause behind the causes. And, to just witness these brief flickers of preciousness that life is. Inviting me to come home, and merge into this beauty of the one.

However brief this flicker of an experience lasts, it never fails to instill a firm faith of what is real and what is unreal.

Yet, the fun comes in the eternal battle between the truth and the untruth within. How my mind fights to impose its worries onto this backdrop of stillness.

And, how easy is it to forget this truth, and get back to the nitty-gritties of life. Despite knowing that I have gotten out of harsher challenges in the past, and having seen grace pick me up from the darkest depths, and witness the divine’s role in crafting my life, how I forget this wisdom and get stuck in the smallness of life, eternalizing the negative moments, sinking to depths of misery during storms, and losing will when obstacles come my way. How I let the storm take over my all, and be shredded, despite knowing the indestructible nature of the self.

This eternal struggle within, against a backdrop of truth. How stupid can I be, to fall for all that, despite this wisdom. I can only wonder at this maaya (illusion) of creation. And, take each moment to remind myself of the truth, and laugh at the play that I constantly get caught in.

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