Anger, lots of it. Towards what? I don’t dislike anyone, nor have grudges towards anyone. Life has been giving me easy problems, or rather made me lucky enough that my efforts to resolve issues has been overly successful. Never have I looked to the present and said, all problems have been resolved. So, I am ever grateful for that. Yet, a powerful anger resides within.
I look further and I see the source to be a fountain of love, sparked by a remnant of the past re-ignited. It is this fountain of love that triggers my anger. But why? I am in knowledge, I am content with the way things are flowing to an extent that this anger should not reside. But, it still persists. I look deeper, and I find it. It is love for growth, love for self-betterment, love for the royal throne. When you connect with yourself and you realize all that you are, how can you be idle and complacent as your past tendencies slip you off the throne every chance it gets. Triggers like feverishness, fear, weakness, negative thought all slide you off the royal throne. But, once you have had a taste of it, once your soul has understood its true place, it cannot accept these tendencies anymore. That is the source of my anger. A deep fire, burning strong, having been dormant all along, it cannot contain itself no longer.
As I realize this, I fall back into love, for this is anger of my soul, of the big mind to drop all that is trivial and small, to drive me to establish myself in the royal chair and not get off, no matter the temptations, to reside in the self, watch everything as the seer, accepting things as they come. But, also to gain strength from the self and grow ferociously for the sankalpas set for this life time. Not to burn, but to flourish, not to be driven by impulses, but to be the commander of my life, to be here in the present, playing this game to the fullest and fully letting go.
This is the fire to drop all, and become nissangha. So, when external impulses drop me off my chair, I am thankful I am awake enough now to get back to my chair. And, live the royal life.