The quest of futility

Something my mind searches for, so elusive, so shy

A source, a cause, a hook to explain this turbulence within, without realizing that it is the source of this cloud of dust.

Something my mind searches for, so small, and so faint,

Looking to blame this misery, this sorrow and this pain on it, without realizing that the source is just a film on its sight.

Something my mind searches for, so dry and so sly,

Not seeing that it really doesn’t matter what it finds.

Every day, it finds a different rock, wondering whether this is the root of it all,

Blaming this, blaming that, it keeps the hunt, ever new, ever fresh.

Causes it finds, reasons it creates, why has this happened, what does that mean, is this what is supposed to be?

Every question it dissects, every doubt it keeps close to heart, forever stirring the water, and muddying this home.

A simple shift it takes, to realize the futility, a faint thought, a distant voice….And, Aho!

Everything drops to reveal what is. Showing me the fountain of love that erupts within, filling each object with love, each event with life and each action with grace. Whether I pick up a pencil, win over a big challenge, or give to my fullest, a truth slowly dawns that this life is a mystery, this mind is a mystery, the source of it all is the biggest mystery of it all.

So, I finally drop this hankering of mine, for I understand that it is unknowable it in entirety, what is only possible is to love, to live, to laugh and to be. So, that I shall do, with a peace established within, not just in my thoughts, but in the depth of my heart.

A slow rising dawn in this mind of mine, showing me the darkness of it all, simply needs a little spark to vanish. A sinking realization to accept it all.

So, in gratefulness I rest, with an uncontainable smile, I repose in my self, loving it all.

I shall smile, I shall laugh, I shall cry with poise, for I accept that this is all, a game of the biggest kind.